From 2000 to 2004 I worked for a company called American Greetings. Sometime in 2001 they got the DragonBall licence and just started making crap. I still have the calanders, the balloons, the wrapping paper, the stickers and the birthday cards. Today… I’am gonna show you the Birthday cards…
Here is the first one. The front shows an angry looking Goku telling you it’s your birthday. They couldn’t get art for a happier Goku? I’m almost excepting to open the card and it say something like “I’m going to make it your last!”
The inside: “GET OUT THERE AND SHOW ‘EM WHAT YOU’VE GOT! HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!” I don’t know… it’s not very birthday-ish… How about “Have a Super Saiyan Birthday!” No?
The back: It’s a fun mini size! It’s so much fun OMG I’m gonna pop a vain in my head! “Protected by Super Saiyan Goku!”[size=59] (Disclaimer: area may not actually be protected by Super Saiyan Goku)
Here is another one. Yes the card is really supposed to look like that with all the blur spots and stuff. “EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU’RE REALLY COOL!” Isn’t that something your Dad would say or something?
“HOPE YOUR BIRTHDAY’S COOL TOO!” Get it? Like you! You are cool remember? Everyone knows it!
The back just shows Vegeta. Why couldn’t he be in the card? Oh well I guess they figure American kids only like “good guys”.
And lastly is this $4.00 card that had a bunch of crap to occupy kids for oh, about 10 seconds. “For a cool 7 year old”… This card is special because it’s the only card that isn’t in all capital letters. What the Hell?
The inside: They consider that pink Goku image a mini poster! Why is he so pink? Is he just embarrassed to be on this card?
The back has this crossword puzzle thing…
Here is a closer look for better reading…
“Used to fight Goku, but now is his friend”… Couldn’t that be like 100 people? “Can be brought back to life with the Dragon Balls” What?! I’m not even going to scan the maze…
And these are the stickers it came with. Why is the color so off? Trunks and Vegeta have such dark skin!…
If you notice, none of the characters are smiling in any of these cards… Saddest birthday ever! Let’s just put a picture of dead Yamcha in them next time.
So that’s about it. Happy July 1st!
Edit: These cold, sad cards inspired me to make one of my own: